Long time no post aye? Seems so, considering all that’s happened since the last time. I might have started my growth Journal over a year ago but the real growth only just started months ago.
Through most of my life I dreamed of being a grown-up, I’d play my life out in my mind, what I wanted it to be, year after year. Especially life after school. I looked forward to NYSC (yes of all things), I wanted to travel, see the world, be “somebody”, the whole nine yards .
Lo! And Behold, it’s 2016 and I’m a graduate and on my way to becoming a Barrister and Solicitor of the Supreme Court of Nigeria, first stage down. Then to NYSC, this was where my spirit came crashing down, right from the first day of registration. My Alma-mater didn’t settle our results so we couldn’t register early (I needed Abuja to be my first choice). Second day, server was down, too many people trying to get registered (Abuja- quite farfetched at this point). Third day, site was slow and once I finally got far into registering, my thumbprint wouldn’t upload (Abuja? LOL! Who was I kidding). By the fourth day I was coloured in negativity, i didn’t want to hear anything about registration, i just wanted my thumbprint uploaded and my green card printed out. That did happen. But of course, there was no Abuja, not even Nassarawa State. All these states were fully booked. And the states that were available had never even crossed my mind. However, i took it in, my spirit was down and i internalised that my service year, having started that way would have a whole lot of misfortunes.
Fast-forward to January 2017, after being posted to Osun, being Called-to the Nigerian Bar, redeploying to Nassarawa State and finally Abuja, i was beyond ecstatic. Then began the hunt for a Place of Primary Assignment, futile, my spirit was even farther down at this point. So I settled. I expected something good, but until weeks into my assignment (too late for me change it) I realised that was not where I wanted to be. And it all began on my birthday.
I won’t bore you with all the details but I have read so much into everything that has happened to me so far within this year. I grew up with a sense of independence and a love for solitude but until now I had never hated it. I had embraced my ability to have 2 coins and still be able to utilise it for so long it felt like I had a sack of gold coins. I loved it. I particularly loved how it set me apart from a lot of people I knew. Not so much anymore.
I think I loved that part of my life when I knew I had other options. It was just one of the things I could do. It wasn’t compulsory. It was a choice. But now that it’s not anymore, I have to be a grown-up, i have to sit and think wisely about everything I plan to do, I have to make realistic life plans and i have to form out a strategy towards achieving them. I have to live with the fact that my Father may or may not have cut me off (though I strongly believe that he has). I have to bring back all the lessons on independence I learned when I didn’t have to. And i have to be independent.
I’ve been through physical and emotional growth. Still am actually. However, even with all their complications, they do not compare to the effects that mental growth have had on me. I am quite scared what this ‘grown-up independent’ life will bring, but hey, it’s here…