This is probably the most eventful year of my life. Just in nine months I’ve gone through a lot, felt a lot of different emotions and had to comprehend each of them. I finally got what I’ve prayed for, for years now, I got my foot fixed (to the best of the doctors’ abilities). All the pain I went through, it paid off. I’m happy. Regardless of all the people that still stare. At the beginning of the year though I had to learn how to walk again, was difficult, but with Allah all things are possible.
I lost love, found love, lost love again. That’s the funniest bit. I learnt a lot from it. Love teaches you stuff, if you don’t regret it that is. ASUU are still on strike, 3 months and hopefully the end of the count. Most frustrating period of the year, being home doing nothing, it’s torture!
Some family stuff here and there. Some other stuff with me and my parents, disagreements, those were awful, nothing big but they were awful, Lord knows I love them so much, the slightest thing that puts us at odds hurt me badly.
I think that’s all I can think of aside the most significant series of events, which have also made every other thing tiny, no matter how big they were.
This year, a number of people who are close to me and even those not so close to me anymore, have lost people in their lives, somehow each loss has been very personal for me. The first one was on my birthday, from the second I knew, I cried and every second after, I thought about it, how big it was, how I’d feel if it were mine, what I had to do before I’d really go through one. Again.
I lost someone years ago, my little sister. I lost my mind for a while after my aunts told me. I knew my mum wasn’t just ill, the way she looked at me, I knew it was something bigger. I started to think of all the things I wanted to do with little Halima before she died, all the things I didn’t do.
This year those people lost at least a parent, one of them lost a sibling too. A lot of others still mourn losses from many years ago. A lot of us do. Most of us still haven’t learnt to appreciate the people we still have with us. Hopefully this will make some sense to some people, I don’t think I’ve made my point clear but this is as far as I can go while I still keep it together.
Inna Lillahi wa Inna Ilaihir Raji’un. Indeed we are from Allah and to Him we shall return. This world isn’t our home, but while we live in it, we should make those that should matter, actually matter. For every single event that’s happened to me this year, when I think of death, they each become a speck of dirt. And I don’t know when, but I know it will come, and I know that before then, I have a lot of things I need to make right, peace with a lot of people, peace with myself, a stronger faith in my Rabb. And I start now. I’m thinking this is why we’re asked to always think of death, so we remember what actually matters and work towards it. Lord help us all!


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